


All the Distractions

by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)



Series: 25 Days til Spideypool Christmas 2019 [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Sexting, Wade Wilson in Panties, office Christmas party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:35:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/MsCaptainWinchester
Summary: Peter is stuck at the office Christmas party, and he's three more minutes of Jonah ranting about millennials away from quitting his job. But rent's due, and he can't really let Wade be the sugar daddy he wants to be, so he asks to be distracted instead. He wasn't expecting the panties.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: 25 Days til Spideypool Christmas 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559260
Comments: 4
Kudos: 235





	All the Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I'm 10 minutes too late for this to count as Day 6, but fuck it. This is Day 6. 
> 
> The prompt for this story was submitted to me on tumblr [anonymously: _Sexting. "This office party is very boring. Distract me?"_ Thank you to my anonymous prompter, and thank you to Fuuma for picking the panty color for me!](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/post/189525008016/spideypool-sexting-this-office-party-is-very)

Peter was twenty minutes into listening to Jonah rant about how irresponsible and lazy millennials are when he finally hit a wall, and just couldn’t do it anymore. He held his plastic cup up in indication that he was going to get more punch and slipped from his group of co-workers, most of whom looked after him forlornly. He gave Ned an apologetic look and turned towards the snack table, covered in a festive green table cloth and piled high with homemade cookies, chees plates, and Cosco crackers. Peter wasn’t sure if the office ladies weren’t trying to stuff everyone with cookies to make up for how miserable spending a social evening with Jonah was.

He filled his cup with bright red punch and took a sip as he slipped his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Wade.

> **Peter:** Please tell me you’re not busy right now. I need a distraction.
> 
> **Peter:** I need all the distractions.
> 
> **Wade:** thought u were gettin toasted with the news nerds
> 
> **Wade:** but I can distract
> 
> **Wade:** what kind of distraction we talkin?
> 
> **Peter:** Literally any. Jonah’s on a rant about millennials
> 
> **Peter:** Rubylyn looks like she wants to set him on fire with her eyes
> 
> **Peter:** Ben’s been trying to hit on Betty for twenty minutes with no success
> 
> **Peter:** I can’t deal with another hour of this without launching myself into space
> 
> **Peter:** But if I leave early, Jonah’s going to threaten to fire me again, and this close to the New Year, he might actually do it
> 
> **Peter:** help me

Time passed, way more time than Wade usually took to text him back. Peter watched Jonah fling around another box of decorative cocktail napkins, yelling at Rubylyn about how her generation—Peter’s too, but he wasn’t going to insert himself into _that_ conversation—didn’t appreciate the details, and that was why the napkin industry was taking a nosedive. Rubylyn looked like she was three seconds from having steam come out of her ears, but she kept her mouth shut. Rent in Brooklyn was way too high to do anything else, Peter knew.

> **Wade:** you painted quite the picture bb
> 
> **Wade:** where are you in all that? Sitting down? Wallflowering it by the windows?
> 
> **Wade:** hovering by the buffet like the starving college kid you’d be if you didn’t have me in your life?
> 
> **Peter:** snacks, of course
> 
> **Peter:** why?
> 
> **Wade:** maybe go sit at your desk
> 
> **Wade:** need cover for what were about to do

_Cover_? Peter wasn’t sure what to think about that, but he did as asked, circling his desk to sit in his desk chair and lean his elbows on the messy desk top. He glanced up from the phone, but no one seemed to notice or care what he did.

> **Peter:** done
> 
> **Wade:** how you feelin? Comfy? Hidden from the prying eyes?
> 
> **Peter:** what prying eyes? What are you planning?

Peter’s heart rate was already accelerating. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, and this close to his batshit crazy Spier-Man-hating boss, he wasn’t sure he was mentally equipped to handle it.

> **Wade:** id tell you to close your eyes but that might look suspicious
> 
> **Wade:** and you wouldn’t be able to read these texts then
> 
> **Wade:** and find out what color the panties I bought today are

A flush immediately heated up Peter’s skin, moving from his chest all the way up his neck. He slumped down in the chair and clenched his legs together to try and prevent the consequences of picturing what Wade was about to describe. This was a dangerous, _dangerous_ game.

> **Peter:** Panties? But it’s not Christmas yet
> 
> **Wade:** don’t need a holiday to get my baby a present
> 
> **Peter:** Is the present the panties or you in the panties?
> 
> **Wade:** play your cards right and its both 😜 🍆🍆🍆
> 
> **Peter:** You promised you’d tell me what color they are
> 
> **Wade:** [attached image.jpg]

Peter took one look at the picture and immediately slumped down in his chair and did his best to hide the screen from potential prying eyes. In it, Wade was spread out on their bed, naked but for a pair of soft lavender lace panties and a matching bralette. He was sprawled out on his stomach with his back arched so his ass popped into the air, with one leg kicked up behind him, winking at the camera from where he held the phone above him. Peter’s mouth watered to see him. All he wanted to do was leave this party and hurry home to drape himself over his boyfriend and worship every inch of him.

> **Peter:** Fuck. I wasn’t prepared.
> 
> **Peter:** You look so sexy. How are you this sexy?
> 
> **Peter:** This feels like I’m being catfished. You can’t really look that good. It isn’t fair.
> 
> **Wade:** who ever said i play fair baby?
> 
> **Wade:** you should see me out of this
> 
> **Peter:** I really wish I could, but that would definitely get me fired
> 
> **Peter:** gosh do I wish I could though
> 
> **Wade:** wanna play a game?

Peter sat up, no longer needing to hide the phone with the conversation pushing it out of view. He snuck another peek, though, unable to keep his greedy eyes from roving all over the gorgeous picture. He’d already saved it to his private gallery for future bathroom break encouragement. He glanced around to make sure he was still below everyone’s notice, and was relieved to find he was still being ignored. Jonah had moved on to complaining about Spider-Man (a pastime Peter had made very clear to Jonah a few months previous he would not partake in, since he was ‘friends’ with Spider-Man), so there was no worry that he was going to be pulled back in the conversation anytime soon.

> **Peter:** what game?
> 
> **Wade:** I give you two options you tell me which youd rather do
> 
> **Wade:** if you dont cum before its time to leave the party well do whichever idea you like the most
> 
> **Wade:** if you do well do my fav
> 
> **Peter:** this sounds like torture
> 
> **Peter:** I love it
> 
> **Wade:** I like hot chocolate sauce off your dick
> 
> **Wade:** or I suck peanut butter off it

Peter took a second to think it over. Chocolate sauce would be sticky, but fun to lick out of Wade’s mouth after. Peanut butter would make him suck harder to get it all off, but might cause chaffing. But if the chocolate sauce was really hot, it might burn.

Wade would never let him get burned.

> **Peter:** chocolate sauce
> 
> **Wade:**

Peter burst out laughing. He had to wipe the tears from his eyes and try to compose himself before his coworkers started looking at him strangely. He shook himself of the giggles and tried to respond.

> **Peter:** Are you trying to make me cum faster? Stop cheating
> 
> **Wade:** I never said I played fair bb
> 
> **Wade:** you sit on my face while my hands are tied to the bed OR I sit on your face while your hands are tied to the bed
> 
> **Peter:** are both an option? I like both
> 
> **Wade:** I like where your heads at peteypie
> 
> **Wade:** I suck you off while your on the phone with mj and you cant let her know
> 
> **Wade:** you fuck me on the roof of the daily bugle while jackass in office and you get to leave a cum handprint on his window after
> 
> **Peter:** neither
> 
> **Peter:** can I pick neither
> 
> **Peter:** Jonah would definitely catch me, and so would MJ
> 
> **Peter:** both would never let me hear the end of it
> 
> **Wade:** cheating
> 
> **Wade:** gotta pick or no treat later
> 
> **Peter:** Jonah then. He might not know it was me.
> 
> **Wade:** fuck underwater OR fuck in space
> 
> **Peter:** space. Salt water sounds painful
> 
> **Wade:** fuck while aunt may watches us OR fuck while the neighbors are fucking and have to cum while sweet old mrs Meyers is praising god for franks dick
> 
> **Peter:** I hate you
> 
> **Peter:** so much
> 
> **Wade:** not an answer bb

Peter glared at his phone. How was anyone supposed to decide between those two? That was the worst of two evils. Wasn’t he supposed to be trying to get Peter off, not traumatize him for life?

> **Peter:** I don’t have enough time in my month for therapy, babe. Don’t do this to me.
> 
> **Wade:** choose choose choose choose choose choose choose
> 
> **Peter:** fuck you, the Meyers. Of course. God damnit Wade
> 
> **Wade:** [attached image.jpg]

Peter almost dropped the phone. The new picture was of Wade on his back, hips canted up towards the camera, his abs rippling under the strain of holding them up so high. His beautiful cock was hard under the lace, pulling it at unnatural angles, a wet spot darkening the fabric just over the flushed tip. Peter could see the drips of it glistening over Wade’s abs in the lamplight. Peter wanted to lick up every last drop of it and suck the head straight through the lace. He wanted to rip the thin fabric from his skin and suck him down in one fell swoop. He wanted to devour him alive and make him cum so hard he blacked out. He was instantly hard again and having to press his thighs together to keep from embarrassing himself.

> **Peter:** fuck you look good. I want to lick that cum off your stomach
> 
> **Wade:** you only have another half an hour before you can come home baby
> 
> **Wade:** want me to get started without you?
> 
> **Wade:** [attached image.jpg]

The next picture was of Peter’s favorite toy, a red and black dildo with stitching on the sides and a patterning that matched Wade’s suit. Peter liked to fuck himself on it while Wade was away and imagine it was Wade doing the fucking, suit and all. He also liked to shove Wade across the back of the couch with his pants around his ankles and fuck him with it sometimes when Wade takes too long coming home from missions.

> **Peter:** only if you don’t cum. That cum is mine. I call dibs on it.

Before he could see Wade’s reply, someone way too close to him for comfort said over his shoulder, “If you were going to spend the whole time texting your boyfriend, you should have just brought him with. Are you ashamed of us?”

Peter looked up to find Betty standing over his desk with a teasing smile on her face. She leaned her hip against the edge of the desk and pretended to try to steal a peek at the screen. Peter immediately turned the screen off and slipped the phone into his pocket. He heard it chirp Wade’s reply as he did. “Not ashamed of anyone, more don’t want to force Wade to have to listen to Jonah rant. He uh… he’s not an office party kind of guy. Doesn’t really have a filter.”

“Last I checked, neither do you. I still can’t believe you told Jonah off for talking bad about your superhero friend. I thought Jonah was going to invent a new shade of purple to turn into.”

Peter chuckled at the memory. Jonah had fired him that day, but then called him at 1am demanding to know where the pictures of Spider-Man ‘mugging that little old lady in Central Park’ were—Peter had been _returning_ the little old lady’s purse, _not_ stealing it, but Jonah didn’t want to hear that. “Sometimes he just needs a firm hand, what can I say.”

Betty nodded her agreement, glancing over at Jonah with an unreadable look before launching into a line of questions about Wade that made Peter a little dizzy with their speed and breadth. It was only as the barrage hit him that he realized he’d never actually said Wade’s name out loud in the office before. And because of that mistake, he had no more opportunity to see Wade’s response until much later, on the subway ride home.

> **Wade:** whos not playing fair now
> 
> **Wade:** cock tease
> 
> **Wade:** whered you go bb
> 
> **Wade:** you don’t say anyting in the next five minutes im gonna cum without you
> 
> **Wade:** [attached image.jpg]

The picture was of Wade’s stomach covered in cum. Peter looked at it mournfully, knowing that it was already cleaned up and he’d missed it. He sent a final text and tucked the phone away to shut his eyes, reminding himself that Wade had a refractory period that made teenage boys weep. He’d just have to make Wade cum again when he came home.

But maybe he could make him wait a little before he did.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want writing updates from me, you can follow me on Twitter [@RonsPigwidgeon](https://twitter.com/RonsPigwidgeon), [Tumblr](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/), [NewTumbl](https://mscaptainwinchester.newtumbl.com/), or [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/MsCaptainWinchester).
> 
> And if you'd like to come yell about Spideypool with me, join the 18+ Discord server I co-mod, [Isn't It Bromantic](https://discord.gg/w6UyAn7)!


End file.
